Watching a few crumbs of comet dust blazing to a brilliant death in the atmosphere makes you realise, in our own way, we’re all doing the same. It’s just a matter of perspective. And while some blaze more brilliantly, the end result is still the same.
…it was you who let everything into my heart, and it was you who once again awoke my spirit— Sigur Ros (I omitted the ‘but’ at the start)
After holding in all these thoughts and torturing myself for months I finally let them out and told her how I felt. I knew it wouldn’t turn out how it does in the movies. But, it turned out as it had to.
I know that our relationship as it stand is as it should be. Friends. I needed to admit to myself and her exactly what was going on in my head and heart in order to move on. I had stuck myself in an emotional box and was grasping at the sides, hoping someone would notice.
Of course I was the only one who could get myself out of it.
I feel refreshed. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders and the binds I tied on to my heart are coming free. I can feel again.
It still hurts, but it’s the deep cleansing hurt that brings forth healing.
I still love her with all my heart, and am attracted to her like no other. Not just physically, but in every conceivable way. I long to just be with her, not in a romantic way, though of course that is there too.
I know our relationship and friendship has grown and developed into something more than it was when we were together. And I know it is still growing. When something like that stops is the time to call it a day. But for now I know that we still have time together, we are still learning from each other.
She came into my life for a reason, and while my life is already completely different in positive ways because of knowing her, I just have the deep feeling that there will be more. Not in a romantic way necessarily, just that our earth walks are still going along somewhat together.
for the moment at least.
I broke up with my girlfriend over a year ago. Since then I’ve gone deep into myself to find out exactly why things happened the way they did. Things had to get really really bad for the change to happen, and while it was certainly not fun to go through it certainly had to happen.
You only learn the hard way.
Over the past few months I’ve been lost in a cloud of forlorn hope and imaginings. I have not felt any kind of encouragement from her at all, even though we do spend alot of time together. She is my best friend, but I realise I am in love with her now more than ever. More than I was when we were together.
Is this unfair to her? Maybe. She put her all into our relationship and I was miles away. I had no focus, no awareness. I was not ‘in it’, as much as I love her and enjoyed the time we spent together. I was simply not there.
What will happen now? fucked if I know. I love her, I am in love with her, I enjoy spending time with her. She makes me forget about all this emotion and thought and too much thinking when I am with her and allows me to simply be.
Does it hurt? Immensely. “So close and yet so far away”
I just want to hold her in my arms, feel her warmth, the scent of her hair, the feel of her skin against mine. I want to do all the things I should have when we were together. Is it too late? Probably.
Have I learnt this lesson? Partially. It’s an on-going process.
It was right there in front of my eyes and I was too blind to see it. too lost in my own insecurities and guilt.
Fuck I hate this part of the lesson but I know without it I would still be caught up in my previous self. The pain has burnt away a part of myself that needed to go, but it is still happening.
I am slowly waking up again.
— The Coral - Dreaming of YouIt’s up with my heart when it skips a beat (skips a beat)
Can’t feel no pavement right under my feet (under my feet)Up in my lonely room
When I’m dreaming of you
Oh what can I do (wah oooo)
I still need you, but
I don’t want you nowWhen I’m down and my hands are tied (hands are tied)
I cannot reach a pen for me to draw the line (draw the line)
From this pain I just can’t disguise (can’t disguise)
Its gonna hurt but I’ll have to say goodbye (say goodbye)Up in my lonely room
When I’m dreaming of you
Oh what can I do (wah oooo)
I still need you, but
I dont want you nowOh yeah
Ohhh Ohhhhh
Up in my lonely room
When I’m dreaming of you
Oh what can I do (wah oooo)
I still need you, but
I dont want you now
he smiles then looks away and you wonder just maybe that smile meant something he couldn’t say.— (via victoryblues) (via mahal-kita) (via hit-or-miss) (via shany)
The purpose of training is to tighten up the slack, toughen the body, and polish the spirit.— Morihei Ueshiba (December 14, 1883–April 26, 1969)
The state of things slowly gets more acceptable.
Is it because I’m getting a better understanding, and know that it is what’s best? Or does it just hurt too much to pour my heart out when it’s too late for that? Will I get tired of torturing myself this way?
It’s probably a bit of both. I know things are better this way. but it still hurts.
My heart is making it’s way back from the dust around my feet. It should return home soon.
